Back in June when my last post was made Matthew and I had been seeing many doctors over the last few months trying to decide where to take our lives. In order to get the full story I need to start back before we were married....
The Past (2007)...
A few years after high school Matthew was diagnosed with cancer. A scary thought, but he has survived 5 years from this November! Matthew, bless his little soul, was very upfront and honest about this fact from date one. He didn't want to get into something with someone and not have them know that he was incapable of conceiving naturally with them, admirable, right? Needless to say I married him and have been happily married since. He had however been warned from his oncologist to go put "sperm on ice" as they would say at the University of Utah. He followed this advice and thanks to Matt and his doctor, we had a small chance of having our own children one day.
This past spring/summer...
Matthew and I decided to seriously look into having children. We talked about and explored all options from fostering, adopting, invetro, artificial insemination, etc. After praying and considering each persons thoughts we decided to go speak with a fertility specialist. I was warned by a good friend not to go where I did at first, but being naive I decided to try a practice that was being advertised on the web. Going forward I am not trying to discredit this office or be negative about this experience it was a true wake up call and taught me a lot about myself and my husband. After weeks of waiting, our appointment finally arrived and we went to meet this specialist and find out our options. This specific doctor, although honest, was brutal with me. He refused to work with me unless I lost 30 lbs in a month. He asked Matthew to admit that he would love me more if I lost this weight, Matthew of course informed him that a 3 digit number on a scale does in no way represents his love for me. He started taking tests and sent them out of my insurance network so we were receiving $1,000 bills every other week. At my wits end I went and spoke with the original friend who had advised me not to go there in the first place since she had a similar experience, she advised me to try the University of Utah and make a decision from there.
I went to the U of U and decided to meet with Dr. Hammoud. The first question thing out of his mouth was, "so you two want to have a baby?" I blurted out, "yes, but I know I am overweight and can't have a baby because of this and that I need to loose weight before you work with me." Dr. Hammoud who I will always admire and love responded with, " I didn't ask you about your weight, I asked did you want to have a baby." He then explained that yes losing weight would help my odds go up in getting pregnant; as well as during the pregnancy, but that weight has a lot to do with genetics, stress, etc... He then most importantly confirmed that I could have a baby.
Having someone so compassionately take the time to explain this to me just took a huge weight off of my shoulders. Over the next few months I lost 60 pounds! Matthew and I were walking together daily, eating healthier, and loving life.
We went in over the next few months into Dr. Hammoud's office for tests, and to maximize the possibility of getting pregnant. We had to adjust medication and such to make sure everything would be perfect. Finally, in August we were ready to take our first leap of faith and officially start Artificial Insemination.
August 2012...
We went in knowing that we only had 3-4 tries with artificial before we needed to look into invetro or adoption. We also knew that artificial for most women takes over 5-6 tries before it works. Our chances looked bleak but we fasted, prayed, and put our lives in the hands of the Lord. We arrived early that morning and found out that everything was going wrong. They thought Matthew was going to use fresh sperm and not his frozen sperm. A simple in and out procedure was now taking all day. After many hours of thawing and counting sperm; we were ready. The procedure was quick and simple, I couldn't believe it once it was complete. I was told to watch for signs of infection and to take a pregnancy test in 2 weeks to confirm whether or not it worked.
2 weeks later...
I took the pregnancy test and it read negative. I called Matthew, cried and told him the news. He was so kind and gentle about this result. To my shame I remember blaming God. Asking him how many trials do Matthew and I need to go through? Hadn't we had enough already? Why us when so many can't even take care of their children? A few days passed I didn't get my period, I didn't tell Matthew yet, I wasn't ready, so I called my mom. She told me to wait a week then take another test if it still hadn't come. A few more days passed and I couldn't wait any longer. I went to the store bought a test, it read pregnant. I went back to the store bought about 20 more tests, they all read pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I called my mom, Matthew, his mom, and told my sister in law. Everyone of them told me we had done it, but I still couldn't believe this was even true. I called the U told them the news and they set me up to have a 7 week ultrasound to confirm the heartbeat as well as set me up for blood tests to confirm the pregnancy.
Mid-September...
There our baby was! With an excellent heartbeat. Our own little personal miracle.
Mid- November...
Our first appointment with our OB/GYN Dr. Desano. Who I must say has been just as kind and sweet as Hammoud, about my weight, worries, etc.
Today...
I am currently 22 weeks, 6 days pregnant and we are having a beautiful baby BOY! I am still constantly worried that this dream is not a reality and that the other shoe is about to drop, but I am enjoying every minute of this roller coaster ride. I am so grateful to a kind and loving Heavenly Father who has watched over me this far and given me so many blessings. I am still ashamed to even think that he didn't know what is best for our family, which makes me so grateful for the atonement.
In about 17 weeks we will have the pleasure of meeting our little Miles Matthew McKnight.
With much anticipation,
Manda
